Donation for children’s charity.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
My Answer
The pie chars describe how much spend and income money for children in a year.
The pie charts show the amount of revenue and expenditures in 2016 for a children’s charity in the USA. Calibration of date is done in percentage.
Revenue - 수입
Charity - 자선
Calibration - 눈금
Describe 대신 show를 사용.
새로운 문장을 만들기 보단 기존 질문을 이용해서 문장을 만듬.
How much 이후에 완전한 문장이 오는 것이 더 정확한 듯.
고로 how much they spent and income money.
General Trend
My answer
the most of revenue sources in first chart is showed donated food by 86.6 percent. And almost things in expenditures is program servies. And the total price in each things are simillar as about 53,000,000 dollars.
Overall, the total amount of income was just enough to cover the expenditures. Moreover, donated food made the highest share in total income while the maximum money spend on program service.
과거형 위주로 작성해야 함.
Be enough to v - v 하기에 충분하다.
Make highest share in N - N에서 가장 높은 비중을 차지하다.
둘다 가장 큰 것에 대해서만 이야기 했음
연결 구를 풍부하게 쓰자. 가령 and 대신 moreover while 등등.
Detailed information 1
My answer
There are 6 elements in revenue sources. Among sources without donated food and community contributions are only less 3 percent, although there sum.
To begin with, donated food provide the most of the revenue for the charity, at 86%. Similarly, with regard to expenditures, program service, calculated for nearly all of the outgoings, at 95.8%. The other categories were much smaller. Community contributions were the second largest revenue source, at 2.2%. On the other hand, investment income, government grants, and other income were very small sources of revenue, accounting for only 0.8 combined.
잘못된 문장이 많음.
Element 대신 factor
Without 대신 expect for 사용 가능. ~를 제외하고 이것은 에 더 잘 어울림.
긴 명사를 쓰는 대신에 콤마로 한번 쉬고 it 으로 다시 문장 만듬.
Be less than N% - n%도 되지 않는다.
문장 정리하면, There are six factors in the revenue source. Except for donated food and community contributions among the sources, it is less than 3% in total.
To begin with - 우선,
By N percent 대신 , at N% 로 사용.
with regard to ~ - ~에 관하여
outgoings - 지출, 외출, 외향적인
Factor 대신 categories라고 사용
Be much smaller - 더 작다.
The second largest - 두번째로 큼.
On the other hand - 다른 한 편으로,
accounting for only 0.8 combined. - 다 합쳐도 오직 0.8퍼센트인.
Combined 합쳐서
Detailed information 2
My answer
In the charts about Expenditures also be showed similar aspect, the vast majority of percent is program services and the others only 4.2 percent.
There were only two other expenditure items, fundraising and management and general, with a slight difference both accounting for 2.6% and 1.6% respectively.
복수 단수 제대로 확인하기
The vast majority of N - 대부분의 N은 → the vast majority of expenditures 가 더 잘 어울렸을 듯.
Items - factors - categories 로 사용
fundraising 모금
Be N percent 대신 N accounting for n% 를 많이 씀.
Account for - (비율을) 차지하다. 설명하다(=explain)
Slight differnce - 약간의 차이