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Online sals for retail sectors in Canada.

Property
1.
The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Introduction
My answer
The pie charts show what kind of things they were selled on the online shopping in Canada each 2005 and 2010.
Answer
Charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sector in Canada in the two different years, 2005 and 2010.
Improvements
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Comparison μ΄λΌλŠ” ν‚€μ›Œλ“œκ°€ μžˆλŠ” 만큼 show λŒ€μ‹  compare μ‚¬μš©.
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Across - 에 걸친.
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How much μ‹œλ¦¬μ¦ˆ 처럼 what kind of N V.
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Sell- sold - sold
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Each 보단 각각을 λ‚˜νƒ€λ‚΄κΈ° μœ„ν•΄ respectively
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고둜 The pie chart shows what kind of products were sold in Canada in 2005 and 2010, respectively.
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μ’€ 더 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ— κ°€μž₯ κ°€κΉŒμš΄ 단어λ₯Ό μ‚¬μš©ν•΄μ„œ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κΈ°
General Trend
My answer
Although the retail sector of eletronics & appliance was reduced from 35% in 2005 to 30% in 2010, food & Beverage increased considerately during 5 years.
Answer
Overall, the online sale of electronic item and home furnishing dropped, however, the craze for food and video games increased during the five years.
Improvements
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Overall 을 μ‹œμž‘μœΌλ‘œ 많이 ν•˜λŠ” λ“― General Trendμ—μ„œλŠ”.
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General trendsμ—μ„œλŠ” ꡬ체적으둜 μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μ˜¬λžλŠ”μ§€ 보단, 뭐가 올랐고 뭐가 λ‚΄λ ΈλŠ”μ§€ μ •λ„λ‘œλ§Œ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜λ©΄ 될 λ“―. λ‚˜λŠ” β€œκ°€μž₯ λˆˆμ— λ„λŠ” 두 μš”μ†Œβ€ 만 μ μš©ν•¨.
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Although, but, however
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significantly , considerately
Detailed information 1
My answer
Although the retail sector of eletronics & appliance was reduced from 35% in 2005 to 30% in 2010, food & Beverage increased considerately during 5 years.
Answer
To begin with, in 2005, the majority of online sales was accounted for electronics and appliance sector with 35%, however, this percentage had dropped to 30% by 2010. During the same five year period, the number of people deciding to buy food and beverages online increased and the transactions went from just 22% to 32%, making it the retail sector with the largest proportion of the online market.
Improvement
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수치 κΈ°μ€€ be account for λŒ€μƒ with N% : 수치 기쀀은 λŒ€μƒμ΄ Nλ₯Ό μ°¨μ§€ν•˜κ³  μžˆλ‹€.
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Year period 라고도 μ‚¬μš©.
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증가 ν•˜λ‹€λ₯Ό go from n% to % 둜 ν‘œν˜„ν•˜κΈ°λ„ ν•˜λ‚˜λ΄„.
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The largest proportion - κ°€μž₯ λ§Žμ€ λΆ€λΆ„
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λ‚΄μš© 자체의 양은 λΉ„μŠ·ν•œλ°, 닡은 더 ν’λΆ€ν•˜κ²Œ μž‘μ„±λ˜μ–΄μ•Όν•  λ“―. ( λ‹¨μˆœνžˆ 차트 μ„€λͺ…λ³΄λ‹€λŠ” 더 ꡬ체적인 μ„€λͺ… )
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N with N2 = N2ν•œ N
Detail information2
My answer
The video games was the amout of lowest sales online in 2005, but in 2010 it was raised 5% more so it was not lowest 더이상. Although home furnishings was the second biggest, it was dropped from 25% in 2005 to 15% in 2010, so it became the lowest retail online sales.
Answer
In 2005, the home furnishing industry boasted impressive 25% of the total online sales in Canada. However, by 2010, the figure had fallen considerably to 15%. Interestingly, online sales of video games eventually overtook sales of home furnishing, although video games still represented only 23% of the market.
Improvement
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Boast - μžλž‘ν•˜λ‹€
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Impressive - 인상 κΉŠμ€
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Fall to N - N만큼 쀄닀.
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Interestingly 둜 단어 μ±„μš°κΈ°
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Overtake, Overtook - μΆ”μ›”ν•˜λ‹€.
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Figure - 수치
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Anymore - 더이상
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Raiseλž‘ riseλž‘ κ΅¬λΆ„ν•˜κΈ° rise rose risen 이 증가 raiseλŠ” λ“€μ–΄μ˜¬λ¦¬λ‹€.
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No longer N - 더이상 N이 μ•„λ‹ˆλ‹€.
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The second largest
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Video games were the lowest online sales in 2005, but rose 5% more in 2010, no longer the lowest. Home furnishing was the second largest in 2005, but fell from 25% in 2005 to 15% in 2010, the lowest in online retail sales.